Jason Abdilla

JackHammer Mega Performance specializes in helping individuals achieve their fitness dreams through scientifically-crafted supplements. But before you take any, we’re obligated to include some information about using our products “safely.”

Take one (1) or two (2) capsules daily before or between meals with a full glass of water.

Please do not exceed the recommended dose.*

As a reminder, discuss supplement use with your health care provider. **

The health claims of the JackHammer Mega Performance Blend have not been approved by the FDA.***

If you experience nausea, excessive urination, diarrhea, irrational anger, grunting and/or panting uncontrollably throughout the day, prolonged and aggressive eye contact at the gym with strangers, constipation, erectile dysfunction, unbearable insecurity, urges to eat with total disregard for what you eat, stinging awareness of daddy issues, hernias, or anything else that might confuse you for an angry, insane chimp, contact your health care provider immediately.****

Now toss these back and get swole,***** bro.

*Which was imposed by the FDA. Sure, take the “recommended” amount…If you don’t want to get totally jacked and experience next-level performance. Otherwise, we emphatically suggest you take no less than three (3) or four (4) at a time, anytime you want.

**Keep in mind it’s their job to scare you about anything new and amazing, like the life-changing, revolutionary formula in our advanced JackHammer Mega Performance Blend. Did you see our ads at 2am on QVC? You see that dude bend a crowbar with his teeth? You think he listens to his doctor or dentist? No, he does not. Because he’s a god damn #JackHammerHead (please tag every one of your bare-chested, flexed-out mirror selfies with this)!

***But who cares, right? Has the FDA ever spent a day excessively admiring their abs, lats, triceps, glutes, or calves? We think not. Because they’re wimps. Just look at our Insta and all our non-wussy users we repost. They’re who you want to take nutrition advice from. And they love JackHammer. So, take some. Take some now!

****And tell them to kiss your ripped ass because you’re on a mission to take your body to the next level!

****AKA: Juiced, cranked, jacked, charged, flecked, taggered, surged, popped, zoxified, munked, fugazi’d, and warlocked.

We also accept submissions for new terms that describe blowing out every muscle in your body so you end up looking like a bloated link of stale sausage.

This photo essay documents a few days floating the Sol Duc and Bogachiel Rivers of the Olympic Peninsula (OP) for steelhead. My guides were two childhood friends, brothers Phil and Luke Rudat, from my hometown in rural Washington. As a sort of reunion with them, I joined in on an annual trip they make up to the OP to tempt fate into granting a rare fortune for those parts: sun and steelhead.

Our hope was answered with a 20 minute reprieve from the rain on our first day. During those twenty minutes, Phil caught two steelhead. But, as quickly as the skies opened, they closed again, this time heavier, and a bit more somber. It felt more like a tombstone than cloud cover.

For the next three days the weather gave us every bit of possible nastiness it could muster: tearing wind, torrential rain, piercing hail, soggy snow, and frigid sleet.

And we didn't catch another fish.

Always grateful for the chance to get out there, we still wrapped up with heavy sighs and made our way home. As they do every year, Phil and Luke, still wet from the rain in the cab of their truck. started the quasi-spiritual rite of crossing fingers, tying streamers, and praying that--just maybe--next year they''ll have better favor from the soggy-souled gods of the OP.

Outerwear that kept Phil, Luke, and myself dry and comfortable was generously provided by Mountain Standard.